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Amanda Ebokosia at Miss New Jersey USA 2010;
Right after her evening gown competition

Amanda Ebokosia attends Essence Young Women's Leadership Conference

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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

At a time where playful tugs became love taps-- I transformed into an innovator

<< Image: A very young Amanda A. Ebokosia

If I could sit back and step outside the box of my life, it would most likely parallel a Lifetime series. I'm certain that I am not the only one, who would describe their life in this way. Life is so precious-- I was so fortunate to see this as a young ten year-old gal, who was clad with a purple trench coat that had dazzling pink buttons. "This" 10 year-old gal was captivated by the world around her-- inquisitive much? Yes. "This" 10 year-old gal would climb hills and fill her red lunch box with ants and millipedes--- and run home and turn into a scientist for the day. "This" 10 year-old gal would lay on her back on the pavement outside of her school backyard to watch the beautiful cloud formations in the sky. "This" 10 year-old gal was I.

I dreamed without limitations then-- as I do so now.

What did I see in these cloud formations? rabbits, houses, beaches, my family, & everything I ever desired.

I saw it all, my visions of life. I had tunnel vision. This was a vision that most girls my age were not quite picking up on. Their body's were changing-- and they were noticing guys. I wasn't really interesting in such things then.

Well, what does this have to do with today? Everything.

Life was just one big puzzle back then. I don't think life will ever stop being a puzzle quite frankly. There was only one thing that I was sure of. It was that I should remain focused in what interested me, despite what others were doing--even if I was not considered to be in the norm. Who is normal anyway?

Now I'm reflecting on a conversation that I had with a good friend of mine, who was dismayed with the negative energy she was receiving with her newly acclaimed success. I started referencing the 48 Laws of Power, which has an interesting passage about friendship & business. In summation, we discussed how the higher an individual climbs up the pyramid of success-- the less persons they would have to befriend in the process.

A person can have several associates but it's highly unlikely that a they would become friends--close friends with each one. In fact, I discussed research findings about the complications of female platonic relationships over (here).

We concluded several things in this conversation, here are the results:
  • Don't take negative energy personal from associates or people who you thought were your friends. Reason: All the energy you're spending time worrying about what they are saying, can be harnessed to fuel you or your projects.
  • Negative energy comes from within. It is toxic when you hear it. The person releasing it is also toxic. Therefore, be upset for only one thing-- that this person is not happy with their own current situation-- it has nothing really to do with you. Reason: Negative energy is like a cancer-- if it spreads it captures-- you must win the battle.
  • People will do wrong by you, there is no secret to this-- we are all human. Don't take it personally -- focus and flip the switch that turns that tunnel vision on. Reason: When you focus and pay attention to what matters most, you'll attain your goals a lot faster. Don't waste precious time.

Live your life- turn on that tunnel vision.

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Monday, April 13, 2009

One friend, Two friend, Three Friend--Foe



One lesson I've learned growing up is that friends come as quickly as they go. True friends-real friends are the ones who stick around.

They're the ones who understand you before you give an explanation about an issue.

They're the ones who lift you up at your darkest moments, and are the ones who make you desire to become a better person.

The majority of my adult life I've lived with a free heart. A heart which greeted pain as well as happiness with the same welcoming smile. I opened new friendship and rekindled old friendship without a trace of cynicism. As I mature I find that friendships are what you make them to be. My discovery is that friendship is only alive if the two persons were benefiting from the relationship. Friendship is real. It is beautiful and the one fruitful thing that truly sustains life here on Earth.

"Humans are social creatures.If we all lived in isolation, I highly doubt that we would grow into the magnificent masterpieces we sought out from birth to become. Rekindle your friendships"


Recently in life, I have become a skeptic with certain friendships I had formed. This is partly true because I met an overwhelming series of disappointments. The type of disappointments that left you distraught while thinking to yourself, " I can't believe he or she did this? ". I've learned not to take it by heart. I've also learned to not hold it against anyone--we are all human. However, I have the ability to edit& delete people in and out my life, in order to live happily. This is a philosophy I have maintained and won't give up. By doing so I've made room for more positive relationships. With this newly adopted philosophy my friends and family grew considerably.

I am lucky to have at least one close true friend. I have a handful to be exact- one hand 1,2,3,4.. not including family. There is only one friend who I can completely let my guard down. I've known Lianna since my freshman year of undergraduate school. We got close within the span of two years I would say, when we lived together at our alma mater.


People need friends who make them want to reach for the stars!---and beyond

She is everything I would look for in the ideal friend. I trust her-

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